Dear
Professor Blackstone,
My name is Lu Sheng and I am writing to
formally introduce myself. I studied marketing in Temasek Polytechnic before
making a switch to pursue civil engineering in university. After graduating
from polytechnic, I was uncertain if marketing was the right course I wanted to
study since I already understood the mechanics of it. Before I could actually decide on the course I wanted, I had to do National
Service. I was given the vocation of an air force technician and that somehow
rekindled my love for engineering. Since young, I have always enjoyed building
structures out of lego blocks and because of that I took part in a structure building
competition during secondary school. I decided to find out more about the
engineering courses offered in university and concluded that civil engineering
was the course I wanted. After all, I felt that civil
engineering was a meaningful job and I wanted to challenge myself in taking
this course.
One of my key interests would be traveling. I always
make an effort to visit a new place every time I have the ability to do so. I love
traveling as it helps to broaden my perspective and teaches me to appreciate
the things around me. There is always something for me to takeaway after
visiting a country. Another hobby of mine would be swimming. I find swimming to
be a rather relaxing sport while keeping fit at the same time
.
One of my strengths in communication would be
the ability to give presentations comfortably. This is probably due to the experience
I have gained from my course of study in polytechnic. I often had to give
sales pitches to lecturers and industry clients. I could say that I have managed
to gain confidence from the numerous presentations I have completed previously.
Nick Vujicic is someone I respect a lot in the world of effective
communication. He highlighted to me the power of expressions that can be used
to captivate the audience and I could not agree more with you that effective
communication is not just science but also art.
My weakness in communication would be my poor
command of the language. I always have problems dealing with grammar issues and
I reckoned that it had got to be related to my lack of reading. I find the
language complex with many rules to follow. However, I am willing to put in the
effort to improve by the end of the course under the professional guidance of
yours.
Through the span of this module, I aim to
become a better communicator and I hope to brush up on my language. I believe as an university graduate-to-be, there ought to be certain standards I have to uphold so as to carry out my tasks professionally.
I
appreciate your time in reading this introduction and I hope you have a good
day ahead.
Yours
sincerely,
Lu Sheng
Edited 10/04/2019 11.05pm
Edited 22/01/2019 1.05am
Edited 20/01/2019 6.55pm
Commented on Baizurah, 20/01/2019
Commented on Alfian, 20/01/2019
Commented on Nurul, 20/01/2019
Dear Lu Sheng,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this highly detailed introduction letter. You provide lots of information on how you developed an interest in civil engineering and why you switched from marketing. You also do a good job of explaining your strengths and weaknesses in communication. I look forward to you sharing your understanding of the value of pitching an idea and the techniques involved with your project team.
Since you mention wanting to refine your language use, there are a few areas that you might take note of:
1. repetitive/lack of concise phrasing
-- After graduating from polytechnic, I was uncertain if marketing was the right course I wanted to further study in. I did not see the need for further study in marketing after understanding the mechanics of it.
>After graduating from polytechnic, I was uncertain if marketing was the course I wanted to study since I already understood marketing mechanics.
-- the engineering courses offered in university and concluded that civil engineering was the course I wanted to pursue in university. >
2. verb use
-- -- that somehow rekindle my love for engineering. > (tense)
-- I felt that civil engineering is a meaningful job and I would like to challenge myself in taking this course. > (tense) I felt that civil engineering was a meaningful job and I wanted to challenge myself in taking this course.
-- I often have to give sales pitches to lecturers and industry clients. > (tense)
-- Nick Vujicic is someone I respected a lot in the world of effective communication.
> (tense)
-- and I reckoned that it has got > (tense)
I look forward to working with you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for the advice.
I have made the changes accordingly.
Best Regards,
Lu Sheng
Hi Lu Sheng,
ReplyDeleteGood job in this detailed and beautifully written post. I am glad to known more about you. I admire how you are willing to venture into the engineering field with your marketing backgound. I appreciate the fact that you even mentioned about your role model, Nick Vujicic. He is also someone whom I look up to in life.
Following are some pointers which you might want to improve on:
1. In my opinion, it would be good if you could elaborate more on how civil engineering is a meaningful job to you, after mentioning what sparked your interests in it.
2."Nick Vujicic is someone I respected a lot in the world of effective communication."
From this sentence, you could use "respect" instead of "respected" as I believe that he gained your respect all this while.
3. In your fifth paragraph, i feel that adding hyphens into "university graduate to be" would be more appropriate. It should be "university graduate-to-be".
I hope that my feedbacks are constructive and beneficial to you. May you achieve your goals by then end of this module.
Best regards,
Jordon
Hi Jordon,
DeleteThank you for the very helpful feedback.
Cheers,
Lu Sheng
Dear Lu Sheng
ReplyDeleteYou provide a great content and I enjoyed reading your letter. Now, I have learned something great from you. I admire your determination when you realised your interest in engineering during National Service.
There are sentences that you could shorten into one sentence and you may consider my feedbacks on the followings:
[Another hobby of mine would be swimming. I find swimming to be a rather relaxing sport while keeping fit at the same time]
== Apart from travelling, I keep fit and felt relaxed by swimming.
[Before I could actually decide on the course I wanted, I had to do National Service. I was given the vocation of an air force technician and that somehow rekindle for engineering.]
== While deciding on the course to pursue my university during National Service, I was given a vocation to be an air force technician when that rekindled my interest in engineering.
All the best for your future endeavours!
Regards
Baizurah
Hi Baizurah,
DeleteThank you for the suggestions.
I will take them into considerations.
Cheers,
Lu Sheng
Dear Lu Sheng,
ReplyDeleteI was nice knowing you more from reading your introduction and the reason you use this course.
I would like to bring forward to your attention to this particular sentence in you introduction, where you caption LEGO blocks, Since you have add blocks beside. I believe there is not a need to caption it.
Cheers
Akram
Thank you Akram for pointing that out. I have updated my post accordingly.
ReplyDeleteCheers,
Lu Sheng